Hoops Cotter #45

One day, Hoops Cotter went to a baseball game. By the end of the game, he was managing and playing left field.

Hoops Cotter #44

Hoops Cotter knows when to use "who" and "whom".

Hoops Cotter #43

Eminem will open for Hoops Cotter at his next concert.

Hoops Cotter #42

When Hoops Cotter sang, Simon Cowell applauded.

Hoops Cotter #41

When Brett Favre was making his decision whether or not to retire, the first question he asked was, "Is Hoops Cotter playing this year?"

Hoops Cotter #40

Hoops Cotter gets straight answers out of Bill Belichick

Hoops Cotter #39

Women use rape whistles to summon Hoops Cotter

Hoops Cotter #38

Hoops Cotter was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame during the 7th inning stretch of his first game.

Hoops Cotter #37

Hoops Cotter wrote a book entitled, Thats It?, mocking the number of women that Wilt Chamberlin slept with.

Hoops Cotter #36

Jesus hangs a picture of Hoops Cotter on his wall.

Hoops Cotter #35

Hoops Cotter taught Chris Rock the N word

Hoops Cotter #34

Hoops Cotter rubbed Adrian Beltre's head and Beltre just smiled.

Hoops Cotter #33

Lady Gaga deemed Hoops Cotter's wardrobe "too outrageous", even for her.

Hoops Cotter #32

Reggie Bush's Heisman trophy was given to Hoops Cotter

Hoops Cotter #31

Hoops Cotter has earned both a Purple Heart and the Medal of Honor in every war in American history.

Hoops Cotter #30

Stuart Scott does not have a lazy eye. He just keeps one eye on a picture of Hoops Cotter for motivation

Hoops Cotter #29

Hoops Cotter holds Michael Vick-fights.

Hoops Cotter #28

Kanye West sat quietly and applauded while Hoops Cotter made his VMA acceptance speech.

Hoops Cotter #27

Commissioner Roger Goodell called Hoops Cotter in for a meeting for disciplinary reasons. When the two left the meeting, Goodell had a 6 game suspension.

Hoops Cotter #26

Hoops Cotter called Samuel L. Jackson a "motherfucker". Samuel responded by giving him a hug.

Hoops Cotter #25

Ed McMahon follows around Hoops Cotter just to follow up his jokes with a "hiyoooo".

Hoops Cotter #24

Hoops Cotter is a graduate of every College/University in America. He never attended a class at any of them.

Hoops Cotter #23

Hoops Cotter’s football team went 19-0, twice. The only player besides him, his penis.

Hoops Cotter #22

When Hoops Cotter has sex with a girl, she goes to the doctor the next day with a case of "punctured innards".

Hoops Cotter #21

‎The Sopranos series finale ended abruptly by fading to black because Hoops Cotter turned off his TV.

Hoops Cotter #20

Hoops Cotter puts his pants on two legs at a time.

Hoops Cotter #19

Hoops Cotter taught Cali Swag District how to "Dougie".

Hoops Cotter #18

Hoops Cotter pitched 5 perfect games in his MLB career, all while drunk and on LSD.

Hoops Cotter #17

Hoops Cotter has seen the edge of the universe.

Hoops Cotter #16

A car can run for 7 hours on Hoops Cotter's sperm.

Hoops Cotter #15

Hoops Cotter pisses 200 year-old single malt scotch.

Hoops Cotter #14

Hoops Cotter doesn't shave, he simply chooses not to grow facial hair.

Hoops Cotter #13

Hoops Cotter created a hit black sitcom without Tyler Perry.

Hoops Cotter #12

When Elin found out Tiger had sex with Hoops Cotter, she wanted to remarry him.

Hoops Cotter #11

Hoops Cotter's penis successfully performed Tommy John surgery on Stephen Strasburg's pitching elbow. Strasburg was fully recovered in 7 weeks.

Hoops Cotter #10

Hoops Cotter sleeps standing up. Even more impressive, he uses his penis as a kick stand.

Hoops Cotter #9

Hurricane Earl formed when Hoops Cotter sneezed.

Hoops Cotter #8

Hoops Cotter cured the STDs of the entire Jersey Shore cast.

Hoops Cotter #7

Hoops Cotter does more "smooshing" in a night than all 4 Jersey Shore guys do in a week

Hoops Cotter #6

Hoops Cotter made an adult film that won the Oscar for Best Picture in 1998

Hoops Cotter #5

Hoops Cotter can intentionally throw at Nyjer Morgan and Morgan simply thanks him.

Hoops Cotter #4

Hoops Cotter measures his penis by the yard.

Hoops Cotter #3

When Hoops Cotter puts on his Coors Light t-shirt, you know he's ready to party.

Hoops Cotter #2

Hoops Cotter won the Heisman Trophy all 4 years of his college career. He didn't play football.

Hoops Cotter #1

Legend has it Hoops Cotter impregnates women by staring at them.